Gone. Too far.

She's still hiding.. she still has her lips sealed.
.
.
Her own tale makes her shiver, how on earth is she to face the world.
The colors around her are slowly fading away..

away ..

The hair is all muddled up, the smell of the smoke is persistent.. Who cares, there's a major flame raging inside.

So young and full of running
all the way to the edge of desire.
Steady my breathing, silently screaming
I have to have you now.

Tic toc, the time is just dragging past. She mumbles to herself silently. " End this ruckus as soon as possible, Christ .. "

Don't say a word; just come over and lie here with me

'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see.

His bloodshot eyes and his fierce gaze, everything's fresh in her mind, yeah, even the cynical laughter.

Her own lover, oh no, now killer.

The room is empty, but the window on the left is open. The oxygen's coming in, or is it ? There's a wider emptiness inside, her heart's been made devoid of any love, all by his deed.

A moment of insane lust, and her life was ruined. Gone, her self respect, her prestige, and he was gone as well.
Alone, isolated, she had come to the city, and then, they'd met. Had she known about him back then.. but what's the point, its over.

And she was going to be over in sometime as well, as she turned to the other side, and saw the slit wrist, with dark red blood oozing out, somewhere she felt a weird contentment. She hadn't just been raped, there was more, but who cared about the "more", she was a no one .. "They ll find my decaying corpse and dump me somewhere.. another orphan, does anyone care? " , she reminded herself.

Finally, the moment she desired knocked in. As the moon came up, she passed away ... the torture was finally over.

Not again.

"Hey"
"H.. uh.. h..iii !!.." she managed to get the words out of her mouth somehow.
"Hey, wassup ?" , his heavy, husky voice that arised insane sensations all over, echoed in her ears.
"N..n..noth..ing! I gotta goooo.." .
Escape was required. It was too tough to look into that gaze of his for long. Killer gray eyes, I tell you.
She sprinted back to the rear of the canteen and took out the familar red, slightly tattered, but still beautiful diary, and scribbled through it.

Dear Diary,


Did that just happen? Our eyes met, and my heart skipped a beat, just like the first time
I was talking to HIM. Yes, him.
Damn, some voices. Why do they arise those sensations even when the person from who its coming is a ... you know.
..

She saw him peeping at her from behind the stained window, and she instantly kept the diary inside.
He still had the innocence in his eyes. But she knew it inside, it was just an act, put up too smartly.
"You've hurt me once.. the venom is fresh in my blood. I can't let those eyes take better of me again" she mumbled reassuring herself.

She looked at him for the last time, and turned away. Away, from another betrayer.

Dreaded "D"

I didn't want to give away my life to drugs. I had seen how marijuana had consumed the love of my life. There was a choke in my throat when I thought of Faraz now. His sharp yet tender brown eyes that ended up as darkened and laden with heavy eyelids, always covered in tiredness.
I remember the cigarette burns he gave me. I remember all the times he violently made love with me, leaving me with scars all over. It was as if my body was his source of revenge. I still loved him then. Painful, however it may be.
"You'll always be my hero, even though you've lost your mind." Sigh.

Not all love stories are happy. I ended up losing Faraz. My Faraz now had beer in veins, smoke in his eyes and puked disgust. He in fact, was not mine at all.
I stood next to the window that was once our spot of cuddling and long conversations. There wasn't any Faraz to cuddle up or converse with him any more.
There wasn't much purpose left. I had no where to 'belong' and I only bit my lip and shed a tear.

When he picked up the rifle.

He looked stoned. His eyes had a blank stare in them. I shook him twice, but to no avail.



He stood at the door, and went on to look at the blazing fire at one end of the room. It was snowing hard, way hard outside, but with just a jacket on, it did not look like he had any sensation of what so ever was going on around him. I was uncertain of what his expression was meant to convey as well. One thing I was definite about, there was a storm raging somewhere inside him. Would not it be inside us too if we saw one of ours being burned, kicked, abused , and killed right before our eyes? His kid, standing with a slogan in his hand, being pulled by the officials into some wagon, his wife's kameez being tattered into a thousand pieces, and a maniacal laughter all around. Those dogs. All this while, he was there .. lying there, with his legs severely wounded, his wife raped, dead , his son being taken away to some place he had no clue of .. but he was helpless. He was wounded, and slowly giving way to a mental vacuum, whilst the images in front of him grew more and more hazier , and the pain went to become more and more excruciating .. the images more hazy, and hazy ..

A rattle on his lower arm brought him back to his senses, or so he thought. Something struck him, and his reverie broke off in the middle, or maybe it was just his conscious decision, maybe the end of his story was too painful to be thought of. The moment he came back to his normal vision, thoughts circulated, and he realized he was not in the midst of a gore anymore. His body which was shivering as he was daydreaming about his past experience, stopped doing so, 'cos now the scene ahead of him was different. Though, the pain which the memory brought along with it .. ah, it would not ever change.He was himself, without his family ofcourse. When he moved on towards the rifle hung on the left, with a glint of revenge and venegeance in his eyes, something did not surprise me.



..



Man- protagonist. An unknown guy whose swept in the middles of a bloodbath with his family. Sees his family beaten up et al, and takes up arms as a desperate measure for revenge. I wonder if you need this, but anyway!

Dying everyday.

Lena entered the room from the door at the back, which connected my room, (just for the night) with hers. She came in, and pulled the chords of my corset so tightly, that I felt unable to breath. But no, I could not complain or mutter a word, not because I was scared, but ever since last night that I was entrapped here, my vocal chords and the sound echoing in them, had faded away, or precisely died. The black skirt I was wearing was too short to even cover my lower half's one fourth, but I did not care, I didn't have any shame inside me left, or probably there wasn't any asset I had to hide, 'cos someone would come in and tear me apart. I pulled up the fish net stocking, which were probably a saving grace, as they did manage to cover me up an extent. Lena put some brig
ht red lipstick on my thin lips, and hurried off saying I should sit on the bed with rose petals all over, with my legs in a "slutty" manner. I didn't know what that meant,but I just sat, and started having glimpses of the past.
I was in New York, happily living with some friends in an apartment, and ready to come to Chicago for my job. Had sent my bio data and all that to an office in Chicago and the only reason I chose them was they offered a whooping big amount of money for a small job that I'd be doing for them, their only demand was they wanted a full length photograph of me. I could not manage to see through all this, and so I did as I was told by the letter I recieved from them. Two other girls had applied, all asked for full lenth photos, but only I got selected. There was no sorrow inside me to leave the girls back, except for Natalia, because she was the one with who I had interacted much. So I packed my bag, waiting for a guy to come from the Chicago office to guide me through the procedure at the Chicago airport.
After reaching there at around 2 in the night, a vague darkness was all around me, I always heard this place buzzed with activity but I had no idea why everything

around was so silent all of a sudden. Little did I know that I had been chloroformed during the way, and was now being taken off to some place called "Red light area" The guy driving the car was giving me occasional glances, as if he was about to climb on me, and rape me off. I was scared, and wanted to jump out of the car, but the other guy probably assumpted it and said "Don't cha try doin' anything gurl.." and took out a silver gun and pointed it at me. So I just kept shut and waited for this ride to come to an end.
After about half an hour I came to this place called "Red light area". Bright red and green neon lights flashed at cottage like places, and I looked at awe in the voluptous girls hanging around with elder or younger boys in skimpy outfits.

It was then did I get face to face with an ugly truth inside which I had been envolved. I wanted to scream, but words failed me. What happeneed to me next? I was taken to the "boss" who examined me from up to down, and asked a woman to take me to the changing room, and give me clothes. I had them, but for them clothes meant something which could not cover even half of you.



Without any knock at the door, a guy of 19-20 years stepped into the room I was sitting, and jumped onto me without speaking a word, and did what I cannot describe. It would be a shame for my parents if they came to know that they're well educated daughter is trapped here. I don't know how much he pays the people, but I get raped every night. My soul is torn into pieces, and these pieces are burning in a fire of lust, and sex.

I die everyday, and lose the leftover me with every passing minute, every passing second.

--x--

Prostitution is heinous, it is ugly, it is inhuman.

Dark truths.

I started putting red bangles on, while Ma started settling other things in the house. Was adorned in a red sari, and even after the sveltve figure, there was something the sari could not hide. Anyway, Pooja came into the room, and told me that the people had arrived. Papa was making them comfortable as they come out of their car.
I was seated at a wooden chair, and was staring into my own eyes, through my reflection in the mirror. Brown eyes, black kohl,red bindi with black outline,red sandals.. just worth satisfaction maybe. Whatever..I moved out of the room, and went straight into the kitchen. This was a usual routine for me,and I always knew the result, and was never excited about "new" people coming in. I still don't understand why Ma instills new hopes inside her, whenever she gets a recommendation about XYZ from Aunty ABC.
There was a smell of sumptuous servings filled inside the kitchen. They are no more pleasing to me..because I've smelled them..just to often, similar to how I've worn bangles seven times before, and hidden my face with a pallu and walked with shy steps to the people. Yes, you probably would have guessed what I'm talking about, and if you haven't you probably will, in some time.
Like always, I was handed a tray of this and that (food and yet more food) to carry to the drawing room. They were seated there. One aunt, who was scanning me from head to toe, and probably taking in every detail of me, maybe even how many stones are there in the ring I'm wearing. Its disgusting that a B.tech Topper is living like this, but whatever,family comes first. And then the dreaded part of the discussion starts, they make me walk ,why? to make sure that I'm not handicapped. *Yes why not, as if I came flying in front of them*, they make me write,eat and even speak.
And then they stand up after further argument or discussion, with finishing the plates f servings clear ofcourse. They'll walk down like burgalars, who're too scared to commit their crime. I care nonetheless, because I've seen people like these before.

They reject me for their son.
All because I'm dark.

Yes sir, being dark makes me a non-human right?
Thankyou very much.

And she lay numb..

Suggestion : Before reading the post, think of the biggest mistake of your life and feel the sorrow which you felt at that moment, and with that sorrow give this a read.
Trust me, with no emotions of joy, sorrow, love or lust. You will never feel this post.

Like someone takes all the layers of your skin off..one by one, slowly.. with the speed by which the crystal clock gayily perched on her room's black and white wallpaper and said "4:30 a.m"..with the same motion did she feel that a sharp and thick knife was slowly being pierced into her skin and the suffering became inevitable..with each breath she took, she felt as if someone was slowly cutting off the oxygen supply which had given put in some life in her for a change. The red lamp in her room gave her the feeling that she had entered hell right away..and the Devil was laughing on her hysterically for her sin. She didn't know what to do except for piercing a blade into her left vein. Sudden reveries of what had happened the night ego kept flashing in her minds, and with each arriving moment, she felt as if the whimpering and comparitively dark piece of light coming in from the window was distracted by the smoke which kept coming out from her cigarette. She rubs them off, but the clear view has gone forever. The second she turns in her bed, she feels the sensation that she's been put on a bed of razors. She wants to walk, but her organs, specially her heart have stopped showing mercy, and slowly penetrates into her soul, a fear, a fear of her secret being known to the world. She's captured in clutches of slavery, and by each passing breath, she feels them become shorter by the second. The blade which she put in her left wrist hurts like hell, but there's no pain which can make THE pain subtle. The most eeries silence surrounds her, and into her eyes she can sense the dread entering..the dread which has made a lot of women suffer.Veins slowly turn green, and she can literally "feel" the mental vacuum. She had nothing, absolutely nothing to lay her head on, except maybe some gentle memories, which now hurt, rather than putting a gentle hand on her. The aura which once enlightened her soul is now her biggest enemy, and the pain slowly starts getting into her heart. The aura isn't friendly anymore..it slowly takes her conscience away. Was this destined to be? Laughter,joy,sorrow,love,friendship,hatred..all feelings have betrayed her..nothing remains, not even a tiny bit of faith. The faith was murdered brutally the very day she realized her blunder. And did someone say that mistakes are forgiven? Certainly not this one.Her body is considerably numb, and the pain is going away, not because she feels any calmth but because her last breath had been finally aken away. Not giving her any sadness, but just a reassurance that the insult will be of no one, not even her "Soulmate" who decieved her.



This is what a girl who has to abort her child feels like.
This is my point of view..how ugly it may be...but sigh.

To someone..with sealed love

We met in the psychology class, and wildly he was a fresher. (one of the most rowdy..I assure you!) It was just bang-and-we-met situation. We were having this drill where you're paired with.
Supposedly we were the worst pair which could be made.. he was one person who was like the most outspoken (read: brat)..someone who was continuously into singing hoarsely, not doing any assignments, and later poking people like me to help him. (Okay,okay!..I ain't trying to showcase myself as the biggest devotee of studies..but whatever!) So lets get back to the drill part..its supposed to be something embarassing, but now it seems like the best memories now..but time! I so hate this thing which is so damn stationery and is perhaps the biggest cheater you can have. No, I don't want any saints' view on this! I miss those moments..
Oh yeah..the drill!
Professor- So everybody, you've been paired, and whether you're happy or not! I'm done with my job, and for your job, read the details of the sheets which you've been given.
I cursed softly, and grumbled. To my dismay, Mr.Partner noticed it and laughed-"Boohoo! You don't like me, but I don't love you either, so lets not sulk, and get to know each other!"
I don't show off my sarcasm in front of people that easy, but come on, nobody speaks like THAT in the very first instance! So here's what I did..picked up the paper, and hogged down the details->
"Get to know your partner intently. Make him./her an open book, even if he/she is too closed"

I shot back right at him and said "D-uh! I don't need to open any of your chapters, you're already clear right from head to toe"
"Aw bad! I was just trying to find the key to lock your book!",and guffawed loudly.
"Huh..so whatever, lets get to the point..What's your name?",I ignorantly asked, not actually bothered whether he was George Bush's son, or maybe my neighbour's husband.
"Why not read the cover of the book, and tell me?",he teased.
"You're stubborn and outspoken..and yes, you really don't know how to talk!",I said.
"Lovely first lines about me. I'm so happy,girl!..what's your name then?..."Madonna or maybe Jennifer Aniston's cousin?", he said that and smiled.

Okay, I have to except, he had a very cute smile. I mean, yes, if he hadn't spoke to me like that, maybe I would have fallen in love with his smile. But for now, NO! I hate this rowdy rustic who thinks he Ramses' son!

"You're already making opinions about me. Too bad, I tell you, milady! You'll be a bad psychiatrist but a good psycho", he caught that on my face, and replied.
I mean that was some telepathy. I still don't understand how some guys really know what girls can be thinking.
Our drill continued..and went on for some two hours. Psychology is something bad to take up, incase you got a partner like his.

We gradually became friends..I mean yes, we couldn't be sure of it..but yes, friends can be a good word to suit our case. We had each other's numbers, but never called. We never visited each other's place, nor did we try to stay in touch. Nonchalant..oh yeah!
College was done in some years, and life was going great for me. Psychology sessions with some real psychos were over. My law practice was full on. Things were great with me. We had forgotten, atleast I had forgotten about him. You can call me ignorant.. but then time strikes you on the face at times..here's a Xerox of what I found while sifting through some old psychology book' of mines.It was stuck with scotch tape at the back of my book.

Subject : Get-into-the-soul
Drill Professor : Mr. Cherriot
Written by : Singh RanVijay
Mail status : Not sent
Respected Sirs,
My subject was a beautiful girl of 21, who had captivating eyes, with something very elusive about her. She hates guys who're sarcastic on the first note, and is someone very emotionally strong to be anything like a psychiatrist, but thankfully she's taken this an extra subject, and her mainstream is Law. As a person, she was someone fun to know. She reads a lot of novels.. as I found 1 Dan Brown and 1 Paulo Coelho peeking outside from her sling faded denim bag. She's someone very independant, with a mind of her own. That can be reflected in the way she dresses, and the confidence with which she speaks. Not easily influenced, but has less friends, 'cos she's too much into judging people by their first impressions and staying by them. To avoid her loneliness she blogs,writes dark poetry, and is a big Metal fanatic. (I know its bad manners to read a pretty girl's diary, but I couldn't resist it!) Though it doesn't show, she doesn't have any parents, and just to show that she is someone happy, she wears a mask over the sadness. She's intelligent, witty, and someone who I need as a friend. I'm someone who has hundred friends, but in need of someone as honest as her. This isn't anything near to a report, just a weird confession! And obviously I ain't mailing this.. Maybe she finds this in sometime, but maybe I'll be too far away. Maybe I'll be standing next to her,....ah ! The maybes are never ending. But for now..I need a pill. I had the migraine attack again.




Maybe he was wrong about the emotionally strong part..'cos I was amidst tears by now. I looked at my side, but there was no one by me. Just a picture framed in an animal print photo frame showed up. Yeah, I had the numbers of everyone kept behind it. I immediately called him up.

Stoned.

*Trrringgg*.. *Beep beep beeep* Its past 3:00 of the morning.*yawn* who the heck is it NOW? Heck with it,she wasn't going to pick up the phone anyway.Another yawn of hers and she dumps her head deep down into her pillow. *Trrinng*.The heck it was now.She picked up the phone with her right hand,and started to ruffle her curls and fringes which now seemed to have been long ago brutally kissing her.*Duh* Muffled up voice,but still in her deep and now-to-be monotonous tone,she spoke into the phone, "Yeah?"..No sound from the other end..she spoke again "The fuck it is,of you calling me at 3:00 and wasting my time,loser". Shit! It was to late to realize that she spoke the F word and called a stranger a loser on phone? What if it was some frigging relative? But well,she didn't care,and simply stared at the phone,"Hello,God dammit speak up!"..This time the call didn't go blank,a loud yet stirring sound of someone's breath quite moved her."You?"..she blurted out with anger."What the fuck is wrong with you,dude,its 3:00 of the morning,go sleep!!" Another breath of his.Was he sick or something?,she wondered."Heyyyy..its me here",so darn it now,he Finally spoke up."Yeah right,I know its you,you called me at this frigging time to say 'hey?".." "Ummmmm...not really"..he spoke real slow."Wtf then?"..she felt like hitting him,but was still calm."Nothing re,was bugged of this economics project." he said that,almost laughing.."Awesome,suck it through.I'll talk to you tomorrow,okay?".. "No",he spoke almost like he was ordering her. "What for?",she's said,losing her patience."I want to meet you"..*another of his deep breaths after that.*,it seemed like he had a sigh of relief after saying that. "Beep you,Rahul",she said,laughing sarcastically."Shut up.I'm serious"..he said with some er,kindness in his voice."So am I..haha"..she laughed on."I'm standing in front of your hostel's back door",he said,she could feel him smiling down the phone."Huh? Don't you know that arse hole watchman is on the run today..??..He just hit up Nik yesterday,cause he was bickering around with Sneha".."Come on,I'm serious,come out,please..?" "Fine..i mean,okay okay,hang on for 10 minutes,I need to get dressed up Properly..bleh".."Yeah right,take your time",he spoke on.She kept the phone down,and immediately with a goddamn speed of some insane monster,her thoughts started moving faster than a rollercoaster.Wtf did he want at 3 now? Anyway,she could trust him,14 years of friendship didn't have its barriers in meeting her chum at 3,did it? She went on,searched down the almirah,and took out a black top,and a not-so-short red skirt.She wasn't one of those fashion divas,who used to rub their asses up with make-up."Mofos",she mumbled.Well actually,she didn't need to put on the make up,her pure white skin seemed to glow whenever and wherever,but well,her main draw back was her tomboy-ish,dont-give-a-damn-attitude,as all her chum ons and teachers used to say.Well duh,who cares.Lets move on. She put on a cordrouy cap,and climbed down the secret passage that some of the girls of the hostel had discovered in their current vacations.She almost ran down,but why the fuck was she so keen to meet him today,as well? She saw him standing right in front on the back door,tall and handsome,as he always was,in a black shirt,and plain blue jeans with a cig in his hand."Yeah?"..she almost astonished him with her sudden appearence."Woo..Ms.Tomboy turning girly?..gross",he teased her.She laughed.No one was allowed to pull her legs,or even if they did,she'd pull down on them,and actually get that brat embarassed.But the case with Rahul was way different."Yeah,dog".."So whats on with this 3:00 meeting dude? What do you think I am?..your secretary"..she said sarcastically. "Chuck it,I simply was feeling lonely"..he grinned at her,as they walked down the lane.She smelt his breath down his sentences."Bitch,your drunk"..she blurted."Its gets onto me,girl,I'm sick of it,Now..whoever I love,seems to....betray",he whispered the last words as if they were a curse,well they were.She held his hand,a warm sensation ran through her veins."Chill it,she won't be back"..she tried to make him feel better."I know..but...."...."You just need some sleep.Come on,lets get back to college,and anyway holy shit,its 4:00 already".Rahul actually wasn't listening to her,she was looking at her,wondering how come guys weren't that hot to look at? He grinned at her again,she immediately caught what was on his mind."Okay dude,stop thinking dirty" she said,laughing."Hop on,get back to your hostel".They both went back,laughing and talking. Sometimes,we don't realize where their is a line between friendship and love,right? Maybe the case was the same with them,or maybe not. Next morning she woke up,SHIT,she was in the same dress,she had worn last night with Rahul.Before the Matron came to wake her up,she had to change,and well,she was good at it.Bleh! The Matron walked in,looking solemn,and serious.But the weird thing was she didn't have that "slave-drive" expression on her right now,she looked quite sad."Wassup,Mat?",she said gaping at her face.Yeah right,she was the only bitch of the hostel who had the audacity to call Matron .."Mat"..and say "wassup?"!.."I have good and bad news for you,my girl,which one do you want first?"..Aastha didn't know what to do,smile or cry."Well,the GOOD one ofcourse!"A smile came down on Matron's lips.."You're selected for the course that you had applied for!!" Bravo.woohooo...yippeee...!!!...She went and gave her "Mat" a warm bear hug.She almost had tears down her cheeks.Finally she had a destination for her life.Suddenly,she pulled herself back from Matron,as if some bolt hit her."Hey hey Mat,whats the BAD news then?",Matron's face turned white,she said nothing for a moment or two.The girl who was once the spirit of everyone's life,shook Matron,"I ASKED WHAT THE HELL IS THE BAD NEWS?????" Matron looked up to her,and spoke very slowly,with chokes and gulps."Rahull........he is........." A pause,which seemed to have taken Aastha's breath."Rahul,WHAT?",she bawled. "He's ......" Period. "Stop this nuisance,Matron!" "He got drugged last night..he's dead"

My rockstar .

We were great friends..since around 7 years.Wow.Life was great when you were with him.He was a star,mind you STAR! It was a pleasure to talk with him,fight with him,and even sing hoarse songs with him.That was life,man.Those years spent with my "bestest buddy".Whenever I'd dress up and move out for college,he'd be there waiting on his bike,giving his cherubic smile and extra long "HEYYYYYYYYYYY!".And oh yes,the day was assured to be a disaster if I didn't see his face in the morning.If in case,he'd ask me something and I'd not reply,he'd act like a kid,and stop talking.But still,life was so perfect.But there's something about perfection that makes it imperfect! It was impossible to stay without talking with him,even for a day,that is.
After a month or so,he got into JHC,and went away to Bombay,and I,the lawyer,was busy studying in Bangalore.We did promise to meet,but come on,it was so like impossible.We met up,but hardly once in two months.Life was okay..it hardly mattered,as we (or precisely I) forgot that life was empty without somethings and people.
I told you no,how life had a habit of making perfect moments non-perfect?
Destiny.
Oh yes that crap thing..it made us meet! Sounds so great,no? It did,to me as well.I got a message on my mobile,which a long HEYYYY! which at once made me recognize that from whom the message was.I nearly jumped with excitment and started replying,until a phone call suddenly came on it."Heyloo Aunty" I immediately recognized his voice and spoke "HEY DUDE!" .."Oh yeah! 5 months and finalllly! "
"You forgot about me,didn't you",he spoke,mockingly.
"Oh yeah..who the heck cares about a dumbwit like you?"
"Hahahha..your sarcasm.By the way,on to the point! Mama's marriage coming up,and even Mom's birhday is round the corner,so we decieded to come to Bangalore for some time!"
"JEEZ! Really?!!!",I literally shouted with glee.
"Stop screaming,you jackass!",his smile could be felt in my ears even via those long thread of communication called PHONE WIRES.
"Haha..okay,dude.We'll meet up somewhere.How'd CCD be? Remember ...our old hang out place in Delhi?"
"Yup,sure..I'll bring some friends along,don't mind,do you?"
"Hell no!",I laughed.
It sounded so weird that he asked me to bring his "friends" along..All he had were insane friends. I pretty well knew it would some of his rowdy gang of guys coming up.

So the 3rd of February finally came up! Yippeee..it was one day when I got up without any alarm hanging around my lazy ass to wake me up.I was way too ecstatic today! As immediately as I was awake,I dressed up,and within an hour or so,I was totally dressed up in a hip way,head to toe.I look up my watch,it was around 10:00 a.m.3 more hours. Time sticks around when you're really waiting for the moment.
I slept for the sake of passing my time,as even blogging on my computer (which to tell you,was my favourite pass time) seemed really boring and monotonous.I got up at 1:30 .
Okay.Damn me,I am one big time sleeper.I was late to the thing I was awaiting,but then I thought it hardly mattered,he was totally non-punctual as it is.My dress was a crumpled mess,and so I re-dressed (not that I was the girlie toy who would dress up 2000 times if you asked her to do so) I got into those black and silver belles that he had gifted me some months back, short black skirt,and a red corset.Man! It was chill...and thus I had a denim waist coat on,and immediately I was up on my scooty,ready to go to my beloved CCD!
He was there.Sitting and looking around like a lost puppy, like old times. He saw me,and stood up with wide eyes,and immediately opened his mouth,and then looked at me from up to down,and he shut it again.I went on and hugged him.
It felt so formal,as if I was meeting him for the first time.But who cared? I got to see him after some ages,which seemed a boon in itself. I said "Hey..why looking so lost?"
His mouth turned into a small (mind you,a shy and small) smile."Looking for my girl"
The first two words of his 4-word sentence sounded bliss,but the last two were like...er..disastrous.
And then my eyes met her eyes.My gray eyes stared deep into her dark brown eyes.She sort of winked at me,and smiled...broadly.On the other hand,I looked at her,as if I had seen some piece of dead animal from the roadside.It was a deep grave,and cold..really cold stare.But before I could question her or anything,she went and sat in the chair next to him.The one which was like hardly an inch away from him,and she (that jerk) gave him a kiss on his cheek.Okay,I'm not supposed to feel bad of this,am I? I don't care what this guy had been upto.His life,wusn't it? And before I could voice my thoughts,he spoke up-
"This is Aleenah,my girlfriend"
It hit me.Oh yeah,it did.More stronger than it felt like to have a iron falling on your leg,and more dead than it felt to see a rat climbing on you.It bloody hit me.But still,in order to be a good friend,I cordially shook hands with her and said "Hi,I'm his old friend".
She smiled,and got up and hugged me,as if she knew me from some ages.She opened her mouth to say something,but before she could,I said-"Glad to see you both,but sorry,I have some bit of work.Gotta go"
About ten days after on the 3rd of February. I got a call from his number. I received it, but it wasn’t him on the line, it was aunty. She was crying, she was sounding miserable. The first line she spoke after she controlled herself was, “he died”. I said, “Aunty if that’s a joke, it’s not at all funny”. But she cried hopelessly and hung up.

I locked myself up cried the whole day and went to my mom at night. “How did it happen?” I asked. Mom said nothing. I shook her, she began to cry and handed me his diary. I read the last few pages. He had drawn things which very hardly legible. But what was legible was that on every page he wrote “life sucks" or something similar to that. He committed suicide.
He needed me, I failed to understand. He wanted me to stay, I left. He silence was demanding of more condolences but I spoke none. I failed.I was a murderer,I deserved to die.He didn't love Aleena either.Oh god,how could have I been so weird.





Current song :- Tum ho toh - Rock on