Gone. Too far.

She's still hiding.. she still has her lips sealed.
.
.
Her own tale makes her shiver, how on earth is she to face the world.
The colors around her are slowly fading away..

away ..

The hair is all muddled up, the smell of the smoke is persistent.. Who cares, there's a major flame raging inside.

So young and full of running
all the way to the edge of desire.
Steady my breathing, silently screaming
I have to have you now.

Tic toc, the time is just dragging past. She mumbles to herself silently. " End this ruckus as soon as possible, Christ .. "

Don't say a word; just come over and lie here with me

'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see.

His bloodshot eyes and his fierce gaze, everything's fresh in her mind, yeah, even the cynical laughter.

Her own lover, oh no, now killer.

The room is empty, but the window on the left is open. The oxygen's coming in, or is it ? There's a wider emptiness inside, her heart's been made devoid of any love, all by his deed.

A moment of insane lust, and her life was ruined. Gone, her self respect, her prestige, and he was gone as well.
Alone, isolated, she had come to the city, and then, they'd met. Had she known about him back then.. but what's the point, its over.

And she was going to be over in sometime as well, as she turned to the other side, and saw the slit wrist, with dark red blood oozing out, somewhere she felt a weird contentment. She hadn't just been raped, there was more, but who cared about the "more", she was a no one .. "They ll find my decaying corpse and dump me somewhere.. another orphan, does anyone care? " , she reminded herself.

Finally, the moment she desired knocked in. As the moon came up, she passed away ... the torture was finally over.

Not again.

"Hey"
"H.. uh.. h..iii !!.." she managed to get the words out of her mouth somehow.
"Hey, wassup ?" , his heavy, husky voice that arised insane sensations all over, echoed in her ears.
"N..n..noth..ing! I gotta goooo.." .
Escape was required. It was too tough to look into that gaze of his for long. Killer gray eyes, I tell you.
She sprinted back to the rear of the canteen and took out the familar red, slightly tattered, but still beautiful diary, and scribbled through it.

Dear Diary,


Did that just happen? Our eyes met, and my heart skipped a beat, just like the first time
I was talking to HIM. Yes, him.
Damn, some voices. Why do they arise those sensations even when the person from who its coming is a ... you know.
..

She saw him peeping at her from behind the stained window, and she instantly kept the diary inside.
He still had the innocence in his eyes. But she knew it inside, it was just an act, put up too smartly.
"You've hurt me once.. the venom is fresh in my blood. I can't let those eyes take better of me again" she mumbled reassuring herself.

She looked at him for the last time, and turned away. Away, from another betrayer.

What I'd wish for.

Woke up around 5 to feed myself the otherworldly echo of the namaaz at the Mosque nearby. Religious or not, I loved how my room was momentarily flooded with energy and serenity as the faith perhaps peeped through the rugged old white windows. It all happened today, after I had been lectured about faith, belief, religion since ages by you. It took effect when you left. Intriguing, no?

Again, like all other mornings, I washed my face and looked up the mirror to find you staring back at me. One part of the other always continues to live on in the other. Always.

Like a fool, I remember standing at the bus stop twice, waiting for you to pick me up. Too late the realization dawned upon me that no one is going to pick and drop me for a while. Darn the bills I will have to pay. Ha.
Just before moving out, I was picking up a scarf for myself. (Deep purple, maybe) My eyes met a red and black tie at that very moment. The one you wore for your graduation. Ouch. Even materialism can give give us pain- Imagine. Was going to clean my cupboard before leaving, no more. Can't bear to put off the collage you gave me. The neon-bordered beauty is still hung on its side. Guess its too late.Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.

Sometimes from "you" and "I" a "we" is not destined. Six months post the split with you, I still cannot acknowledge the aforesaid for us. Of course you believe we were never destined to be.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind,

For me, it happens all the time

I'd want to mend the glass and put the pieces together. Maybe with a glue of togetherness, understanding. We had time, ample of it. What went wrong? No one will know. Ever.

On the bus, I thought of the dinner I'd cook. Alone, as usual. It has started to pain. Severely. Please don't bother. No one cares. Anyway, maybe after dinner, I'll sit in the balcony for a while. Read the J.D Robb I'm halfway through or maybe write some more. About just about anything. Maybe, even us.

And if I see a shooting star, the world will know what I wished for.

For the last time.

Lets immerse into one.
This moment.
Let it stay.
Tranquil.
Silent.
As we merge.
The souls meet.
The stars on your body, consumed.

The smell of it, devoured.
This moment.
Please, let it stay.

The sharp noise.
Was it your blood?
Or maybe mine.
But we continue to merge.
Into one.
One.
As our spirits roll.

And come closer than before.

This moment.
All I have.

The happiness.
The satisfaction.
It lingers.
Revolves.
The room sings today.
With you and me.
The rain too dances.

But

The angst, the fury.
They also return today.
We come together.
For the last time.
The pain.
The blood.
It flows.
The dagger.
Comes down.

Today.
We merged.
And parted.
Perhaps, forever.

.

(How a lover is killed)

To the lost lover.

I don't want your fears,
Or your inhibitions,
Or your nightmares.

I can't tolerate your intervention,
Or your lies,
Or your hypocrisy.

I don't accept your ambiguity,
Or your confusion,
Or your muddled theories.

I can't believe you,

Or your fraudulence,

Or your make-believe.

I can't take your love,

Or your admiration,
Or your happy endings.

Because you're not you. Anymore.

Lost and found. Or maybe never found.

The gazes towards you turn even more deep. The meagre smiles offered amidst a myriad of sulks and straight faces never looked more false.
You want to hold on, but there comes a point when what you were clinging onto is lost. Who you were holding onto is also lost.
The face that once comforted you in a crowd turns hostile and in a matter of hours, it becomes a part of that crowd which makes you feel all the more uncomfortable.
You will walk into an empty room, and expect someone there, waiting for you with a look in their eyes. A look that sets a bad day right, a look that reassures you that everything is understood even when a word is not shared or spoken. Or wait, maybe the room is just not empty, its just void of people you would want to converse with. Its only a room full of people you only ‘watch’ but never communicate with. They weren’t one of those people you’d call to have the concluding-to-nothing talks, share the headless, tailless, senseless laughter. ‘Cos them with you could stir a conversation on anything, are not there.


The crushes, the dreams, the thoughts, the failures, the aspirations, the sentiments- that one person you poured everything into- is not there.
One day, you held hands, clung onto each other for support and the other day, things turned haywire. And you lost her. Her touch, her smile, her comfort, and most importantly her presence and essence.
Maybe she’s still there, but her way of looking at you is totally altered. Now you ‘just talk’ never ‘communicate’. This, is even worse than her going away. Perhaps, forever.
.
That really good friend of yours and how you lost him/her. How it pains!
Sometimes the walk-out is for bad, mostly not. But her empty place ..
How you wish her back.
Maybe life turns around, and you get her back. But .. you both know, once a knot in the thread, and things are never the same.

--

Update : This is off the blog post entirely but I got a friend who writes awesomely and deserves tonnes of readers, Priyanka. Visit Gossamer diaries NOW. Its an order. And yes, we're similar. (Which means, awesome ;) )

Dying everyday.

Lena entered the room from the door at the back, which connected my room, (just for the night) with hers. She came in, and pulled the chords of my corset so tightly, that I felt unable to breath. But no, I could not complain or mutter a word, not because I was scared, but ever since last night that I was entrapped here, my vocal chords and the sound echoing in them, had faded away, or precisely died. The black skirt I was wearing was too short to even cover my lower half's one fourth, but I did not care, I didn't have any shame inside me left, or probably there wasn't any asset I had to hide, 'cos someone would come in and tear me apart. I pulled up the fish net stocking, which were probably a saving grace, as they did manage to cover me up an extent. Lena put some brig
ht red lipstick on my thin lips, and hurried off saying I should sit on the bed with rose petals all over, with my legs in a "slutty" manner. I didn't know what that meant,but I just sat, and started having glimpses of the past.
I was in New York, happily living with some friends in an apartment, and ready to come to Chicago for my job. Had sent my bio data and all that to an office in Chicago and the only reason I chose them was they offered a whooping big amount of money for a small job that I'd be doing for them, their only demand was they wanted a full length photograph of me. I could not manage to see through all this, and so I did as I was told by the letter I recieved from them. Two other girls had applied, all asked for full lenth photos, but only I got selected. There was no sorrow inside me to leave the girls back, except for Natalia, because she was the one with who I had interacted much. So I packed my bag, waiting for a guy to come from the Chicago office to guide me through the procedure at the Chicago airport.
After reaching there at around 2 in the night, a vague darkness was all around me, I always heard this place buzzed with activity but I had no idea why everything

around was so silent all of a sudden. Little did I know that I had been chloroformed during the way, and was now being taken off to some place called "Red light area" The guy driving the car was giving me occasional glances, as if he was about to climb on me, and rape me off. I was scared, and wanted to jump out of the car, but the other guy probably assumpted it and said "Don't cha try doin' anything gurl.." and took out a silver gun and pointed it at me. So I just kept shut and waited for this ride to come to an end.
After about half an hour I came to this place called "Red light area". Bright red and green neon lights flashed at cottage like places, and I looked at awe in the voluptous girls hanging around with elder or younger boys in skimpy outfits.

It was then did I get face to face with an ugly truth inside which I had been envolved. I wanted to scream, but words failed me. What happeneed to me next? I was taken to the "boss" who examined me from up to down, and asked a woman to take me to the changing room, and give me clothes. I had them, but for them clothes meant something which could not cover even half of you.



Without any knock at the door, a guy of 19-20 years stepped into the room I was sitting, and jumped onto me without speaking a word, and did what I cannot describe. It would be a shame for my parents if they came to know that they're well educated daughter is trapped here. I don't know how much he pays the people, but I get raped every night. My soul is torn into pieces, and these pieces are burning in a fire of lust, and sex.

I die everyday, and lose the leftover me with every passing minute, every passing second.

--x--

Prostitution is heinous, it is ugly, it is inhuman.

55 fiction : Untitled

The night I came back from Rina's wedding. Ayan was sleeping soundly..hence I lifted my pillow to find two green hair clips staring at me..I stood shocked as I recalled something my maid told me..

"I always take my hair clips out before sleeping, they give me a headache"

55 fiction: A hidden truth

He opened the window wide, he believed faith would come in with the wind.

He knew she'd made him the happiest person on Earth after the night.

She was lying peacefully, with nothing but a white blanket over her. Her beautiful brown hair covering her lily white face.

He kissed her.Softly.A kiss to end the torture and pain.


And put the dagger inside her chest.