A few stories. A lot of pain.

I only lie back and stare at the ceiling fan. It doesn't make any sense. Like so many other things. The lamp is flickering too. Its strange, incredibly strange. I think your surroundings depend on your mood. When you're low, the stars stop shining, the night seems darker, more threatening, and inside, a part of you is dying. And you know what, when does it hurt even worse? When you're a family and yet you aren't together. You're sleeping in different rooms. You're talking but not really 'conversing'. The words are hollow, they don't hold any substance, they mean nothing. Things are superficial. And life is dull. They're your parents, and their quarrels are driving you insane. You're giving them so much, and have been trying so hard to put things in place, and for once you're not wrong. You've tried, in numerously. You've been hurt, a little too often. You know the worst feeling? When you don't know what to feel. Is it numbness, is it fear, is it melancholy or is it an abysmal mixture of all of them? I wish I knew.
In another place, you're living with a void. There's no one to look over you. You're supposed to be the happiest git among your friends, and guess what ? Astoundingly, you're still smiling. Your mother lost her life 6 years back, and destiny came and hit you right at your face again, you just saw your dad breathing his last. You have a sister, she isn't married, and you're still supposed to smile and act all strong. Guess what? You're still smiling. A fake, superficial one at that too. There're no reasons to live, or so you think. You still have to fight, because they should think your're strong. Ingenuity, you've probably lost all of it, though its only momentary. And once again, you don't know what to feel. Is it revulsion, fear, terror, angst, anxiety ? Or none of them? Oh yes, you're supposed to be strong.
You know when it hurts even more? When these two stories are not your own, but of two people who're closest to you.


  1. Yes, I can say I know how it feels like. To feel such pain which is not entirely yours but you feeling it.

    Pain, I'm still trying to be confident about, is a phase that comes to you repeatedly. Teaches you different lessons each time in various ways.

    The thing you said you wished you knew, guess what, I wish the same too.

  2. The worst thing in life is feeling nothing at all..the numbness,i wish no one have to go through all that..

    We have our own stories to tell,but somehow all of us are related to each other

    Hugs :)

  3. YOU ARE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And oh, the pain, with all its familiar comforting embrace...how well we know it and love it. I am seriously happy to read you again....had been waiting for a while... :*

    PS: I missed you. <3

  4. ..and yeah I missed u and suvy darling so much ==''

  5. I'm not back, guys. School, debates, co-curriculars are driving me crazy.

  6. I dont know what to say so i'd just say Girl ur back with a bang =D

    Tbh to me this is by far the best post u've ever written. No offence to u or anyone though :p

  7. Crystal, you did utter justice to this post. It brought along a lot of pain, but so well-written. Whether it happens to us or anyone close to us, the feeling is still the same..

    That smile. It's dangerous!

  8. Well, Is not it better to live in a void when people who are considered to be most loving for any person, keep hurting ..gravely..numerous times... :)

    i would like Void much more.

  9. Oh! Dear:( this makes my feeling of feeling low so shallow, as if it is nothing. And i have so much more and things to be greatful about! I hope things settlesoon enough for the two ppl closest to u Crysty! May they smile from their hearts and may they gather themselves soon too.

  10. Aayushi, Such feelings can come only from a truly loving and compassionate person that you are! Time will change for good and your best wishes will not go in vain~!

  11. Gosh, so much pain in those few words :(
    I can't imagine how terrible it must feel to have the people closest to you suffering so much.
    This was beautifully written.

  12. Totally second Rahul, such a post can only come from someone like u...brilliantly penned. And a just depiction of pain...

  13. Such a true post that probably resonates with many!

    " I think your surroundings depend on your mood. When you're low, the stars stop shining, the night seems darker, more threatening, and inside, a part of you is dying. And you know what, when does it hurt even worse?"

    Nicely said.


  14. oh, that happens a lot... though not everybody experienced it(for some reasons)..

    *smiles at you*

  15. Thanks, guys. Your words mean a lot.

    Makk: You don't know what its like to live in a real void, my friend. Its too effing painful, trust me, I wish nobody has to get into it.

  16. Pentagram, I've nominated you for The Kreative Blogger Award! :)

  17. That was really deep dark one.. I wish none go through such circumstances..

  18. this is beautiful. but you sound to be not in good condition. let me know if i could help :)

    take care and i hope everything is well:)

  19. No, I ain't in one of my best moods. Thank you for your concern, all. Take care.
    Sorry for being irregular with comments on your blogs.

  20. Its how you perceive your life. You see things that you want to see. but moods, are just .... moody!
    they change!
    cheer up!

    I come back after God knows how long, and find u with a raincloud on your head on this sunny day????

    cant have that now, can we!

  21. :(
    That is so sad dear.
    I so hope that this low phase in your friends' lives would pass soon.

    And you Choti are a very strong person. Love you a lot! :*

    I don't have much to say but I hope this link would cheer you up a little:


    I hope you check this link this time. Agar nahi kiya to hum katti ho jaenge.

  22. Awesome post again ! But I beg to differ with the last sentence. It hurts more only when stories are of you. Anyway, we can only wish that none should go through this phase. Rest, life is a bitch !

  23. Why can I so relate to this post? I have been there very recently. My parents just barely survived a divorce and it killed each time they quarreled.

    Hurts bad, I understand. So please be strong and pray.

    Take care love. I have missed you around :)

  24. Smiling while in reality, we feel nothing but the numbness. Like a part of us is dying, while the other is struggling. And yes, I do feel that our surroundings depend on our moods. Very well mood. Great work :)

  25. the words are hollow... a nice post..

  26. I wanted to be the first to wish you Happy Birthday ~ guess I have to settle for second *pouts*

    I really miss you! Hope all is ok ~ I'll return later to comment on this post. Must have missed it . . .
    just like I miss you ♥ Love you, Finny :*

    Wishing you a *beautiful* year ahead with many smiles and loads of spectacular writing :-)

  27. Hey, just letting you know that I tagged you in something on my blog.

  28. who are you? i mean you totally snatch the words out of my BRAIN. SRSLY. :S
    u know what, i can relate to both the stories. and i know how much it hurts. :(

    you are an amazing writer! x x.

  29. My first time here. You're an amazing writer.

  30. Hey, I can relate to the words above. They are resonating in my head over and over again.
    Tough times makes us stronger and that ain't just a quote, darlin!

    God bless ya :* Hugs >>:D<<
    Keep Rockin' :)

  31. This one is something i can relate to these days, sigh

    Btw Recently i created Fb page www.facebook.com/PearlInDarkness for blog so that i can stay in touch through small updates incase i couldn't log in to blogspot.Please like it :)

  32. I am sorry but I can't relate myself to this pain. My parents have always been cooperating to each other. I never saw them even arguing.
    But your way of describing the moments you are feeling when the parents are fighting in other room is just brilliant..... Wonderfully penned down.

  33. I want to be your best friend, your stalker even, if only to know what makes you write like this. Where comes the depth from in such a young mind? Who your friends are, what your family is like? What are you like Crystal? What makes you who you are?

    I have never before wanted to know a writer more like this :)

  34. hey.. The Overlord has chosen you..!!! Check my space to know more :)


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