12/5/11

We used to fly.

I’d like to lift the veil off your face. But then there would be too many to be lifted for they cover too many faces, all belonging to the same person.
The gust of wind that barges inside the room brings questions to me along with hitting me like a pang on my bare neck. You’ve been like the cold wind, giving me pain and making me feel good at the same time. You taught me pain can be beautiful. Its amazing how long I survived and faced the pain, the sharp, intense pain. Pain can be bittersweet, it can be memorable. And we face it for those we love, and sometimes, the suffering is worth it. Mostly not.
Its astonishing how superficial people can be. Like the flytrap. Elusive. Get too close and snap, it gobbles up your insides. I had thought you were different. We’re best friends to the outside world, inside, why is it so hollow? Fair weather buddies, not. We’ve survived through the hardest times, been there, done that and come out alive, together. Now? We haven’t bid goodbye but where are we standing now? I am on a cliff which has nothingness beyond the edge. One more stab and I will probably fall deep, very deep, into an abyss of drudgery, monotony, a state of absolute nothingness.
The words dipped in sarcasm do not appear comical now, and the humour is so sharp and savage now that I feel someone is pointing a finger right at me. Only issue is I don’t know who the finger belongs to, blame the darkness that has been created around me.

You reside inside me,
Where else will I find thee?


But you are lost, somewhere. We are communicating and yet we are not. We are laughing and yet we are not. It is a light, fake laughter, not heavy and deep like before.
Change is constant. Its perhaps the only constant things in our monotonous lives. And I hate changes. Especially ones like these, which leave a vacuum inside your mind.
I am not a saint, I have my past, but if I watch my words, shall you not? Is expression of love an equivalent of posing for pictures, sitting pretty, attending blah bah parties that have no meaning?

If I scream, I am wrong, if I accuse, I am wrong again, and if I be honest, I could not have been more wrong. Its amazing how we drift farther away. Still are.

We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.

51 comments:

  1. written about/for chuzo??
    and see the picture again
    and scroll down and seee the pics of all your recent posts and then tell me on wenesday. ohkay?
    and this is pretty , i was caught somewhere in between. i felt the grip , the pain , the loss had the faint image of AINIE .
    mmm you write in the most khoobsoorat manner i will ever know.
    tc

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  2. Nah. It isn't about anyone. Or maybe it is. I am too screwed, mentally.
    And I know. I thought this would remind you of her .. sigh.
    And thanks re. You're a pillar. :)

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  3. some ppl aren't meant to be a part of our lives..and some come in from nowhere, play a short typical important role and disappear into nowhr..and thr are those we are close as hell too and thn we fall so far apart due to misunderstandings,mutual ignorance or whatever that its too tough to get back..sometimes for no apparent reason we go away from ppl who were once a cardinal part of our lives..its weird as hell.. and has happened wimmetoo.. guess iv told you already ! anyway..ur posts are always worth a read ..and i dont feel iv wasted my time reading u nor do i ever get bored or does anyone else i guess..u establish a connection widda readers.thats ur usp :D

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  4. As always I've been trapped in your web of words.. Love this piece.. awesome love...awesome :)

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  5. Gorgeous. Like always.
    i felt the dejection, the dilemma .. you're another Gibran!

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  6. What can I say?
    u simply weave a spell around me through ur words,
    this post is no different.
    Ur blog is fast becoming an addiction for me..and I mean it!

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  7. Lovely...i love reading ur posts. They r so alive with words. :) Awesome gurl!!

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  8. Such lovely words with meaning and depth! You write remarkably well!

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  9. Thank you so much Ria, Rahul sir, Rohit, Shamia and Confused Soul ! :) Glad you people found this worth your time.
    Tariq,
    I know man. I know how it goes. I just don't want things to go that way, too many losses, too many break ups, make ups. I want a mundane life for a while. And I love you :)

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  10. This piece seems like you are working through some kind of issue or problem in your head. Writing these things out helps me a lot.


    http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

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  11. Relationships, friendships.. some last some don't.. nobody knows why really. Happens. But somehow, if its really meant to be.. if its true.. wont it make it thru stronger than ever? Well life is one big fishbowl and there are many fishes out there.. never know when you'll bump into the nxt best friend fish!!! You write so well... the way your post is tinged with that delicate sadness.. it evokes emotions that we all know and share. Nice post and thought.

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  12. Some people are just meant to go away.. To leave you a lot more stronger.. True how pain too can be bittersweet..
    It is like you know you are going to suffer, you see it coming your way and you still willingly walk upto it like it is the best thing you can put yourself through..

    Worth it ? Not really..

    I love all your posts..:o

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  13. Nice post
    and
    Thanks for visiting my blog :)

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  14. "If I scream, I am wrong, if I accuse, I am wrong again, and if I be honest, I could not have been more wrong. Its amazing how we drift farther away. Still are."

    And then you think that some bonds in life you had been waiting for...only to realize...there was no meaning, no connection...and some day, you will just fall off the edge and give in to the bliss that awaits... to get back to the same old...same old. *Hugs* With those magical words your heart thinks of...you can make it through. I <3 you

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  15. you take me to a different world through your words..
    i find an aura around you..
    dont worry sweetheart..
    life is a strange teacher..
    it helps us get through the toughest times by just letting us be..

    errmm i dunno if that made any sense..
    but with you..^_^
    cheers sweetie..!

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  16. Your words are so intense and vivid.

    "If I scream, I am wrong, if I accuse, I am wrong again, and if I be honest, I could not have been more wrong. Its amazing how we drift farther away. Still are. "

    I totally love that line!

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  17. Your words are so intense and vivid.

    "If I scream, I am wrong, if I accuse, I am wrong again, and if I be honest, I could not have been more wrong. Its amazing how we drift farther away. Still are. "

    I totally love that line!

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  18. I don't know why but I feel a little low after reading this. May be because I am able to connect to this piece. It's like you have given words to my thoughts. Like you have expressed them in the most beautiful and the most amazing manner. But the sad thing is, I've got nothing to resolve this unidentified problem. Like any way could turn its back if I walk into it. It's true that change is the only constant thing and even I detest change like anything. But I cannot escape from it.

    Anyway, coming back to it, this piece touched me, choti! And I loved each and every part of it. :)

    Bahut khoob! :)

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  19. Hey crystal - em loving it - it seems to be Me - you are expressive!!
    keep writing... love your blog and love you :)

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  20. ah...such a suave post... as they say no gains without pain so pain is necessary and you say its sweet pain ! and that sums of the human behaviour... i mean love or any feeling is to be felt...that the whole point, if we need somebody to express love then why its called feeling?it has to be felt...not told in words or expressed by actions... enjoyed the post thoroughly even though it has certain melancholic touch to it...but never the less.. ayushman bhava :)

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  21. whoa..such a deep thought..the words dipped in sarcasm do not appear comical now, and the humour is so sharp and savage now that I feel someone is pointing a finger right at me. Only issue is I don’t know who the finger belongs to, blame the darkness that has been created around me.

    some people are just not meant to be in our life..eventually we'll learn to move on without them,no other ways

    Nice one darling! (as usual)

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  22. yet again a very well written post, continue being awesome!

    cheers,
    me

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  23. wow you have written it so well Crystal..I was just reading every word..I have been exactly in this same situation from my past..an ex husband who physically abused me and my kids..being in a relationship but trapped of just pretending we are ok..but all where of pains and cries when I am alone..all fake smiles..I was then shattered..

    I love the last lines..well after pains comes gains..and now love has come my way..God gives second chances in love weeeeee..passing by crystal from Confused soul site ;)

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  24. The slow death of a friendship ... you hang on but it's not the same ...

    "But you are lost, somewhere. We are communicating and yet we are not. We are laughing and yet we are not. It is a light, fake laughter, not heavy and deep like before."

    Perfectly stated in a way only YOU can do! I loved this writing from start to finish and the poem is *first class* You never offer us anything but the BEST.

    "I’d like to lift the veil off your face. But then there would be too many to be lifted for the cover too many faces, all belonging to the same person."

    WoW ~ that was an AWESOME opening line and every one that followed was brilliant. I've read it many times now (as I do with a ton of your posts *smiles*)

    You simply amaze and mesmerize me ~ this is why your blog is addicting, just like Rohit said :*

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  25. I read it over and over again, and had images of a person thrown in ... seemed like you wee writng from a page of my life...
    "You taught me pain can be beautiful. Its amazing how long I survived and faced the pain, the sharp, intense pain." ... pain is def worth it, when we want more of it from a particular person :)

    "one more stab, and il probably fall deep".. taht was the most beautiful line , which i so wanted to read again and again..

    But then, people come , people go, somehow, i feel our lives filter them, and through all the pain, and despair, the one's who remain, are just meant to be forever :)..

    P:S - im in love with the way you write. each post helps me get over some unfinished chapters:)..

    hugs and loads of love :)

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  26. @ Bonnie,
    It is and it isn't. And yes, writing about issues sure helps. :)

    @ :Dee,
    Philosophically, we grow stronger but the person who walks out carries a part of us with them. Sigh.
    And, thank you :)

    @ Priyanka,
    Exactly, love. The suffering is very rarely worth it. Very, very rarely.
    And I love you. :)

    @ Faraz,
    Thank you.

    @ MSM,
    There was a bond, a very deep connection- it only ceased in existence.
    Thanks. I love you inna saara <3

    @ Meoww,
    A very strange teacher indeed .. it has strange lessons in store for us, even strangers ways in which we're taught those.
    Thank you so much. <3

    @ Bagya,
    Thank you thank you and thanks again. :)

    @ Mirage,
    Common opinion goes, its easiest to run away, no? Not really. Escaping people who were a part of you is impossible, almost straining.
    And its mutual , I find parts of me in all your posts. <3 Mwah.

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  27. @ Ashok,
    Thank you :)

    @ Shama,
    You are so very kind. I appreciate your comments like hell. Thank you <3

    @ Israr,
    Yes. Pain is beautiful, but not an overdose of it."Too beautiful is ugly" said someone .. and its a toughie to take an overdose of anything. It only destroys you in parts. <3

    @ Priyanca,
    Your comments are adorable. xx
    Thank youu. :)

    @ Sie,
    Oh My God. I'm glad he's your past now. Sounds distressing as hell.
    We do overcome the negativity in our lives eventually- just that 'what was meant to be' hurts at times.
    Welcome here, and thank you <3

    @ Finny,
    And you are the undisputed queen of comments :D I know that's a lame title but you are a Darling with a capital D. Mwahhhh. :*

    @ Menachery,
    Wow. That is quite a compliment. What I write completes someone's unfinished chapters .. I'm humbled!
    Thank you so much, M. I'm more than glad you connect.
    And sometimes the pain is worth it, and mostly not. I wish life filtered out people a little more wisely. :)

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  28. The last lines! Just beautiful :)
    I wish I could write the way you do!

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  29. Life is a strange circle.. the ends go here and there, haywire, but only to meet again, to remind you of those feelings once felt, to reliven the moments thrown away.

    Pain is the sweetest nostalgia because every bit of it always remains crystal clear.

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  30. Aaah. Too much to read. I am going to come back and re-read this.

    We're just two lost souls
    Swimming in a fish bowl,
    Year after year,
    Running over the same old ground.
    What have we found?
    The same old fears.

    That was the only part that I could actually focus on. Liked it :)

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  31. you are such a great writer. :)
    i love the last bit. *if i scream, i am wrong. if i accuse, i am wrong again, and if i be honest, i could not have been more wrong*
    i mean who else could describe life in two lines more beautifully. :)

    and i hope i am back for gooood! ;)

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  32. bravo!!!!!

    loved the lines so much!

    u nailed this again... =)

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  33. "If I scream, I am wrong, if I accuse, I am wrong again, and if I be honest, I could not have been more wrong. Its amazing how we drift farther away. Still are." Sigh.

    As usual, very late with my comment. We haven't caught up in a while. Your reply to Sauvbi has me a LITTLE worried? Everything okay kid?

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  34. emotional journey of our mind in words,nice post:)

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  35. u knw a beautiful way to trap ur readers in those intense yet close to reality posts that in every line one or the other will think... Damn tht happened wid me.

    Regarding this post.... well life is full of such mysterious ups n downs. There r so many with who u connect n disconnect wid almost no reasons. Some matters, others not.

    ahhh this post is so deeply crafted that one can write a whole post in comment :P

    Nice read as ever !!

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  36. As always so many posts left to read... lemme se hw many I can :D

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  37. hmmmm that sounded like straight from your heart.I hope you get the control again..and i hope there is nothing that bad to be worried about..I just hope you are okay..you are a golden girl crystal...just dont let anyone and any thing destroy your :-)

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  38. My wordsmith!!! It ll feel stooopid to point the lines i loved, for the comments say it all. but, amongst all, i relate to this one the most.I cannot gather up words to say how brilliantly you write.

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  39. @ Philo,
    You write beautifully in your own pretty way :) Thanks.

    @ MSM,
    Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. :*

    @ Enchanta,
    Indeed. A strange circle which only encircles us at weird times.

    @ Ovais,
    :) Its a song by Floyd.

    @ Mahnoor,
    OMG OMG OMG you're back! YAYY.
    Thank you :*

    @ Kharren,
    Thanks a lot lot. <3

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  40. @ Zeba,
    No. You ain't late, really? I only published it a day ago.
    And things are okayish, not great.

    @ Daanish,
    Thank you :)

    @ Jyoti,
    Wow. Thank you so much :)
    And don't you worry, take your own sweet time catching on them. .

    @ Mishi,
    I hope I do too.
    Thank you, Mish. That helped. :*

    @ Twisha,
    SO Cute you are. Thank you so so much. I loved your mail. <3

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  41. Search of self! If I am not wrong.

    P.S. Do send me the link of your poem, in which you have penned sown "Colors all around, black feels more friendly" Will love to read it :)

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  42. "If I scream, I am wrong, if I accuse, I am wrong again, and if I be honest, I could not have been more wrong. Its amazing how we drift farther away. Still are".. Excellent..

    Its a strange position when faced with a friendship that feels lost. I've looked at friends and thought
    "you've changed, you seem different, it just doesnt feel like it used to".. when in reality, we've both moved forward in our own little ways. Thats the great thing with friendships, you grow together, dream together, or grow apart, but as life progresses, lines reconverge and friendships rekindle.. All part of lifes great big test...

    Absolutely loved your post.. keep them coming..

    Right its time to get back to work :))

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  43. "We are communicating and yet we are not."
    Our mind is so devastating!!
    Beautiful post crystal..Reddie loved it
    and seriously life in a fish bowl......same old fears...same old paths..
    Beautiful. Its wonderful how you manage to crafts such posts!1

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  44. Awesome...simply awesome..you get better with every post!
    "You’ve been like the cold wind, giving me pain and making me feel good at the same time. You taught me pain can be beautiful."

    How amazing!...and true pain can be beautiful, you get addicted to it,sometimes so much so that you do not wish to check into a rehab.........waht a melody of words you just presented!

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  45. girl...that poem of yours in the end overshadows whole of your article.....what a metaphors...the lines are beautiful...really.

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  46. Paul,
    Thank you for being the best reader I'd ever get! You have a different opinion here .. though I somewhere agree with your words.
    And thank you so much.. :)

    Beyond horizon,
    Sure thing! Will do that ..
    and thank you and welcome here :)

    Red,
    Thank you, Reddie baby! :)

    Grain of sand,
    Thank you so muchhhhhh, S. Thank you for being around despite not posting grr. :P

    Guilty conscience,
    Its a song by Pink Floyd-Wish you were here. Thank you anyway =)

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  47. I don't know why, but I feel sad after reading this. May be because I have seen it happening with someone near and dear. And the label did not read "fiction", so I assume it had happened with you too. But anyway, I don't want to give gyan here, but still, I know you will be fine ! You are strong. Stronger than most of the girls I have seen :) A delicate topic , but again, expressed in sheer awesome manner !

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  48. It has happened with me, somewhat. Well, I am pretty good. Practicing detachment.

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  49. Amazingly written.. I read 3 of your posts and you write magic..the pain oozes out of every lines, and the last verse is the best way to sum it up. brilliant. inspirational. :)

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