9/29/08

Love me for who I AM.

I am 21.I am an engineering student.And I am gay.I am writing this article because I am angry,frustrated feel unbearably suffocated in my closet.I realized I was gay,when I was 14.No, I never had any 'bad experience' in my childhood that made me 'turn gay'.

No uncle or elder cousin ever molested me. I am gay because I believe I was born gay. God or nature, whatever one believes in, made me what I am.Just as some people are blonde or left-handed, sexual orientation is also a feature that is decided biologically.Modern technology can determine the sexual orientation of a child even before he is born.

The WHO has removed homosexuality from its p
sychological disorders.Yet, some people would like to believe otherwise.They would say that if everyone were gay, there would be no society. This is a dishonest argument for the simple reason that everyone is not gay. They say it's against the Bible - an abomination of God.
But if Christians can change their views on the issues of divorce, women's rights and slavery, why not on the issue of homosexuality as well? Then there are those in India who claim that homosexuality is against Indian culture and Hinduism. Have they never been to the Khajuraho temples, embellished with homoerotic art? Do they not know that the Kamasutra is not just about straight sex? Do they not know that there is not a single scriptural missive against homosexuality in the Vedas - the ultimate authority of Hinduism?

I had my first boyfriend when I was 19. We met online in a gay-dating chat-room and when we finally met face to face, it was love at first sight. Never before in my life had I been so happy. He too was a closeted gay, but was far too petrified to ever come out. When he refused to commit to a future with me just because his family would not accept it, and he'd ultimately have to marry a girl as all Indian men are expected to do, I broke up with him. Our relationship lasted only a few months, but it left me emotionally scarred and broken in spirit. But I also realised that it was not totally his fault.
A survey has shown that 80 per cent of gay men in India are too scared to reveal their sexuality to their families and are trapped in 'normal' (read heterosexual) marriages. Few months back, a gay couple in a West Bengal village committed suicide. My heart cries for these two souls who chose death over separation.

I am writing this because I want to warn all parents of the pain that they might be causing to their children, because of their naïve assumption that they are straight. I want to appeal to the political class of India to repeal or at least tone down Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code that criminalises homosexuality. I want to appeal to all readers to shed their homophobia and stop hating us for who we love. Stop committing violence against us because of the affection that exists in our lives.

I am a closeted gay and I want to come out. But that won't be possible until this highly homophobic society keeps the closet door firmly shut on the face of some 30 million gay and lesbian people of the nation. Today, I have a boyfriend whom I love with all my heart and who loves me as much. He has recently moved to another city for his job, and we miss each other a lot. But we look forward to being together very soon. Probably, that won't be possible in India without sacrificing our freedom and dignity. Probably, we'll have to leave India for a more gay-friendly country like Canada or the UK. But I love India and I do not want to leave my motherland. And that is why

I fervently appeal to all those who are reading this - please stop judging people by who they love, and start judging them by whether they love.

I wrote this poem about a couple of years back, but ironically enough, even today, it remains as relevant in my life. In it, I dream about the day I can be myself, when people would love me for what I am, and not what I pretend to be.

There will be a day I can tell the world I'm gay When hatred and disgust Shall not bar my way To come out of the closet-So stifling today. When "normal" men realise I'm no less normal; When archaic laws Don't deem my love criminal; When I walk hand in hand And proudly I can stand With my beloved beside me And the light of freedom around me. There will be a day When I can tell the world I'm gay..

(as told by a homosexual to a reporter)

99 comments:

  1. interesting thoughts...

    I dream about the day I can be myself, when people would love me for what I am, and not what I pretend to be.

    especially liked this line...bcoz it holds true for not only who are gay, but sometimes for others as well...

    nice one crystal...!

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  2. @ Vinay,
    Thankyou so much!


    My name is Aayushi btw..:)

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  3. i know...!! :) i have been here b4 today itself... but had forgotten...!! ;)

    i think u had visited my poems blog too once, though i cant be sure of it...!!

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  4. In India, it will take more days - i recently read that parliament is still in two minds to legalese homosexuality - stating reasons that it will propagate AIDS.
    Just rubbish.

    I dunno when they will accept it at last. hope the social acceptance of homo sexual people wont be a far fetched dream...

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  5. @ Vinay,
    oh great!
    yes i remember your blog very well!! :)

    so how do you think is my plc?

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  6. @ xh,
    yup.exctly,same here.
    lets see!

    but i don't think tht reason is sorta valid.
    girl-girl marriages wre legalized some months or yrs back in outer countries.no idea about India.

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  7. Very well written, Crystal. . . . The bitter truth hurts a lot.
    :(
    Its true. Homosexuality is still looked down upon. . . I'm amazed at the blindness of our governing bodies. . . Can't they see the reality which has been accepted worldwide?
    Its up to us, Ayushi, to wake them up.
    Homosexuality is not a crime, its a way of life. Its a choice. It should be encouraged.
    And i'm sure many will spread this idea, as will i myself.
    Thankyou for this wonderful post.
    :)

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  8. Hey Riversoul!
    welcome back! :)

    i know..people consider it as a disease.

    We need a voice to bring it down!
    Guys who walk hand in hand are made fun of.
    This isn't right,we all know tht.
    But still we never do anything.

    Sigh.

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  9. ur place?? unique...!! :)
    very much a mixed bag of thoughts...!! u write very well... make that (very)^many well...!!

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  10. umm... u r blogrolled and followed now aayushi....!! ;)

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  11. Oh lol..thankyou so much!!
    i blogroll you as well..just a second :D

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  12. sissy ...u have done som piece of work :O...i was suprised by ur riting but good one tho..

    urs..hemu..

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  13. i like d reason gone behind d post...n ofcourse u r a master at writin such stuff so it goes without sayin that this was again brilliant...

    yeah d phobia ppl have to anythin dat is different from d norm...homosexuality or anythin else...its jus coz v have been brought up in that kinda atmosphere dat we look at it as a taboo and not smthn dat can b vy natural to smone else...who r v to judge??

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  14. Love me for who I am so apt title I have never seen someone taking such stand with such matured thought process
    I think the article 377 is a blot on a democratic country and I wish more voices like you shatter the myths around homosexuality.

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  15. good to hear a young gun with such an open mind...


    and eh, u changed ur blog name...nyways, coming back to the topic it wud take good time here to make sure that these fellas get their rights...

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  16. Freedom exists within and the society is a closed door with four corners of the room.

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  18. hey aayushi,

    well i always knew the plight of gay people, but i never knew it like this...
    its very unfortunate that people still dont consider them as a part of our society, why this discrimination, arent they humans?

    neway m bak to blogosphere..sry for such a long absence..ill catch up with all ur posts i missed! :-)

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  19. most often people are phobic of those who are different from them .. and here the difference is not restricted to sexual preference .. but generally everything .. because they fear adopting it themselves ....
    nice one ayushi

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  20. wow!!!

    you narrated this one pretty good..the agonies of homo.. there was one post(i dont remember the author exactly, i guess it was solitaire) where she wrote a story of a guy(straight) who is forced to live with a female in a society of homosexuals..

    your writing is good to read...though i am not still supporting the idea, viewing from their angle, its tough for them to be themselves..!!

    :)

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  21. Yup...
    That's a current topic......
    must heard abt MR Ramdos(minister)..
    and his arguments....

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  22. I choose
    *no comments*
    waala option!
    Btw babes am aving the exam of my life...Oct 13 ko...will blog as hard as I can after that..pakka se!!!

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  23. wow 30 million...
    very bold and honest post ...
    wonderfully written :)

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  24. well dun dear...what a write up, u deserve lots of kudos:)
    n u hv touched a very relevant question too...funny v live in a free world n yet don't hv basic rights such as being able to choose who v can love n live with:(

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  25. Homosexuality as well Bisexuality are well accepted here in Aus. Its some ppl's Sexuality, just like we hv different skin color, tastes and dreams.

    Narrow-minded and dumb ppl cant u'stand that.


    This is a great post hun!

    Keshi.

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  26. a powerful message dis is aayushi... hope it is properly heard by evry1

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  27. wooooowww.
    writing in the first person always brings out the best and worst in the protagonist..

    "I am gay because I believe I was born gay."
    true-- clears a lotta misconceptions abt manipulated childhood n molestations..

    it'd take a long tyme in india to publicly accept homosexuality, but we as this generation could attempt to understand peoples orientation..

    once again. love the wisdom for ya age..

    brilliant religious annotations there :)

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  28. stunning!!! aayushi..baby..u r way too talented!! muaaahh :)))

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  29. @ Hemanth,
    Thnx!!..but its not my work entirely,bro..
    It has heavy shades of a cousin of mines..who wanted me to write something like this :)

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  30. @ Mayz,
    Hey!
    **n ofcourse u r a master at writin such stuff
    Oyee..mistress! :D kiddin'..

    And yeah..all this will never go away..until WE stp looking down on them..and give them an equal status

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  31. @ Aparna,
    Hey.welcome here and thankyou. :)

    Article 377.whassat? :O


    Thnks a lot.I'm honoured :)
    Hugs.

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  32. @ neha..d gypsy,

    when did I change my blog name,bhai? :O

    and thnks a lot.
    and yup..i agree..it will take a long time fr tht to happen..maybe 10 more yrs..but it aint the time tht matters..but the eradication of the thot of ppl looking down on homos!

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  33. @ Sam,
    Aaw...no no,you needn't :D
    Thnkyou sooo much!! :)
    :-*


    Hugs!

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  34. @ Nits,
    Helloooo bhai!
    Welcome back..;)

    I knw..everyone says they're humans,but very FEW treat them as one!

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  35. @ Descrying,
    Yup.I completely agree.
    People are weird in behaviour with people who're Different.

    Thnks! :)

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  36. Wow...
    that was way matured ...and the issue is deeply concerning...actually in India I think law is being enacted for approval of homosexuality...so I think he will happy here soon :)

    but kudos to u..for raising such an issue.......m proud of ya

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  37. @ Vinz,
    hey!
    Thankya..:)
    Oh great..I'll try to give it a read sometime!


    Thnx a lot fr your precious comment! :D

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  38. @ Sachi,
    Oh zaroor se! :)
    Will be waiting fr ya!
    Besta luck fr eggjams!

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  39. @ Comfortably numb,

    yep..bhai..i totally agree!
    we live in a "so called" free world..whr half the people are still craving fr their freedom!

    thnx a megaton! :)

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  40. @ Keshi,
    I know,sweets.
    But India and Aus. have sucha lot of difference.
    They're 1000 miles awayin the distance but 1000000 miles different in their mentality. :)

    Thankyou,dear! =)

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  41. @ Enchanted,
    hey! thnx

    I hope fr the same

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  42. @ Jane,
    Hieee sweetie!
    Welcome welcome.

    Yeah...i agree.It will take a HECK of a time ! :)
    but i am sure it will go away. thnkyouu so mch!

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  43. @ Trinaa,
    thnkyou cuteheart!! :)
    muuuaah!

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  44. @ DD,
    hiee bhai..aw..thankyou so mch!! :)
    btw..i felt glad to hear tht you left smoking..(ref:keshi's blog)
    rock on,bhai!!..:)

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  45. for a minute i thought u were writing about urself and my first impression was that this is bold. :-)
    it still is bold, refeshingly so. i have mixed thoughts about homosexuality.tis one thing denouncing people who have negative thoughts about it and are homophobic and another thing dealing with it when someone really close to you comes and reveals the same to you. i know what i am talking about. tis not easy to accept cos it changes the very perception one has of that person. but i guess we learn to accept someone for what the person is and thats what matters at the end.

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  46. kabhi mere post bhi padh leti toh toh tujhe aur pehle pata chal jata...
    lol

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  47. Thanx for re-Blogrolling me,
    :)
    Btw, my name is Siddharth. . . .
    :)
    But Siddharty sounds gr8 if its not a typo in ur Blogroll.
    :)

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  48. Well written posts. You are not alone. Enjoy the life. It will take for a change.

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  49. hmm
    logicaly true
    very rationaly expressed.

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  50. jeez I came to say a friendly hello and now look what you have done!!good stuff...your writing is going great!!!

    SCribblers Inc.

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  51. Thanks for the correction, Ayu!!
    And your award has been officially accepted!
    (This is the point where you eagerly click on my link, and visit my latest post!)
    Thanks again for the award....
    :)

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  52. @ utopia,
    hey..welcome here.

    yeah..i can see thru the two perspectives!..and to each her own.

    thnx

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  53. Wow! Here is ma first visit here...(oops my grey cells r honest na?)n hey heres de official "HI"...n mate that was a real 'strong' write up! N regarding article 377...! Our forensic text(by Dr.Narayan Reddy) defines homosexuality as an abnormal personality development!"OOPS"

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  54. Very insightful and well thought out post...

    Its sad...with the prejudice that people have in the society...

    but at the same time am proud of someone like you...who can stand for what they are..kudos

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  55. You already are on my google reader...have not updated the blogroll for a while...guess its time to do that :)

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  56. @ Sourish,
    AAWEE..mere bhai.
    Me shooo sholleeey!!!..i haven't been reading people's blogs religiously fr some days :(
    i will..pakka se..frm now! :)

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  57. @ Riversoul,
    Oh lol!!!!..
    I corrected it some time back when i was going thru my blog..:D
    if you liked Siddharty,i can keep tht! :P

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  58. @ Tapak,
    I am not alone?

    In being a homo? Oh no,I'm not one.I have written this as a second person.
    And if I'm mistaken and you're talking abt me nt being alone in thinkin and writing abt this..then thankyou so much!!
    :)

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  59. @ Scribblers,
    Thnks re! :)
    Oye..wht a change tuh the way you look :O

    gud gud

    bt i prefered tht beard! :D

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  60. @ Riversoul,
    Oh lol..how sweeet! :)
    I will just be thre..

    the moment i stop replying :P

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  61. @ Kochu,
    Ohho!!..yes yes..extremely honest!!..;)

    Omfg..don't temme yu're a medical student..
    you mean tht article actually stats tht thing!!??..

    OOPS! :(
    I mean..come on yaar..these people need to know..what the ACTUAL truth is..kab tak will we live in this dark article 377..lol

    thanks..and welcome welcome! :)

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  62. @ Ceedy,

    Thanks,brother. :)

    *who can stand for what they are

    as in?
    shouldn't it be..who can stand for what they believe in.lol ?

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  63. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  64. yes its sad how in india we still dont accept the gay community...

    yah loved the last line too...

    n hey thanks for stopping by at my blog.....see ya around

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  65. Now this is absolutely stunning!

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  66. Is it a fiction or based on a true story? Not too sure I got that part.
    I m from France, and my best friend is gay, it is sad to read that. Y people don t mind their own business after all, who cares whether ur neighbor is sleeping with a man or a woman!
    Great post, i d like to know if it s real or not, or how did u came up with?
    tc
    C.

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  67. Hey! back after a long long time and wht a killer template!!

    abt the post,
    oh my gowd , oh my dear dear gowd, wht a write up! Homosexuality and homophobia are sure some sensitive issues that society needs to deal with. The situation is lott better than it was say, 5 yrz ago; still a lot can b done..

    I ws thinking of a post on similar lines, but a very different approach..
    mind if I link it onto urz?
    [as in provide ur link thr, when it is done..wud want more ppl 2 read such a brilliant write up]

    lemme knw
    :-)

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  68. girl come check out my sudden famous status. lolz!

    Keshi.

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  69. true...but then if u look at it..all indian laws are truely archaic in nature..

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  70. AAYUSHI - YOU WROTE IT???

    this is so awesome... this is gonna be one of my fav blog posts for long... do i need to say nethn more?

    Love u gal
    Muah
    D

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  71. thnx princess mia.
    i will be round for sure

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  72. @ Cess,
    Aw..I'm glad to know you have the guts to express all this.
    Nope,it is purely fictional.
    I came to think of writing this when I read an article in a famous magazine here..saying how this was a bad practice.thats it! :)

    thnx!

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  73. @ express,
    oh sure :)
    you're mossht welcome to do tht,buddy! :)


    thnkyouuuu..

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  74. @ Divu,
    AAw..thnkyou my mini mouse! :)

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  75. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  76. lol tnxx for stopping by.

    why dun u do it too? since u look so cute in ur posing :) Im a poser yeyyyyyyyy! ;-)


    Keshi.

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  77. good!good text...and for you...

    "love is the one who masters all things."

    Mawlãnã Rumi...

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  78. @ Keshi,
    Ahaan! ;)
    I will try it surely! :D

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  79. I respect you for what you are. 99% of the crooked idiots in this world have nothing but to tell others how live right, which they themselves don't know how to live. Dun bother about them who can't draw a straight line straight. God knows what you go through. Blessed indeed all the souls that know how to fight for their rights.It may take time, people will gradually come to accept the reality.

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  80. slavery still exists, imagine that! after all this time, it always sounds like a thing from the past, but it's still a terrible reality in some countries, which is sad.

    homosexuality is going to take years to be accepted, and that's yet another sad story. people come with feelings, and feelings attract each other, regardless of the person.

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  81. @ Cycloseven.
    The gradual change..aah..a century,that is!

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  82. Gosh! This is so similar to my post on Psychobabble called "Happy and Gay".

    I am amazed at how you can write about homophobia and such vices that plague our society.

    Kudos girl!

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  83. @ Sol,
    Omg! :)

    I will check it out soon!
    Thnkyou!! =)

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  84. Exactly how old were you when you wrote this Crystal ? Age is no bar for your words :) I read and read and read and sigh. I love the way you write. No, not getting cheesy :P
    And homosexuals, I really really wish they come out of their closet and live their life like the rest of us.
    It kills me. It kills me to see another human being so helpless.

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