There are subtle undertones of pain, of guilt, of bittersweet memories, of good and bad and that which is neither. At the top, everything is empty, everybody wears a mask.
And all you're left with? A war between your insides - divided into many yous. Its not a split personality, there are no multifaceted aspects to your demeanor - there are just different parts of you asking for different things. One wants fame, success, glory, it works on ambition, on power. That part of you gets it and almost instantaneously a new side emerges - this side wants solace, comfort, a kind word. This side of you is almost contrite, remorseful at somethings it has down to be at the inflection of glory.
The way up the top is lonely, this side of you tells you. People have been unfaithful, so have you. Renegades? They run into hundreds. Dogs don't bite me, just humans.
So who wins this war between the numerable yous? Nobody and everybody. Your alter ego won't comfort you, there are chances he/she/it will betray you. Maybe your alter ego had put up a mask too. Now you're just somebody that I used to know.
And then you wait. The most painful human suffering is the simple act of waiting. And its worse when you don't even know what you are waiting for. Are you waiting for the old you to return? Or are you waiting to set a blueprint for the new you? You will have to wait. Zenith of pain, or nether or pleasure? Just wait.
The way up the top is lonely, this side of you tells you. People have been unfaithful, so have you. Renegades? They run into hundreds. Dogs don't bite me, just humans.
So who wins this war between the numerable yous? Nobody and everybody. Your alter ego won't comfort you, there are chances he/she/it will betray you. Maybe your alter ego had put up a mask too. Now you're just somebody that I used to know.
And then you wait. The most painful human suffering is the simple act of waiting. And its worse when you don't even know what you are waiting for. Are you waiting for the old you to return? Or are you waiting to set a blueprint for the new you? You will have to wait. Zenith of pain, or nether or pleasure? Just wait.
sometimes you write such awesome ingenious stuff that i fall out of words to put in praise.
ReplyDeletethe quote by Marilyn Monroe and the gotye song are SO well placed. You're a magician <3
Go read more of her quotes. They're admirable. Just like you :* Jeez, I miss you all over again.
DeleteThank you, love.
awesome!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Fatimaaaaa. <3
DeleteSuch myriad wants that we carry within leaves us with the quest to find out who are we at the end of the day? Good or bad? Selfish or selfless?
ReplyDeleteTo my dismay, it cannot be answered.
The last few lines are some of the most impressive lines I have ever read. Crystal, you are an artist who paints with words, with beautiful words. :-*
And that Gotye song...have you seen the video?? It's simply awesome. Of course, the lyrics are too. :-)
Of course, the way they do the colors painted, colors faded away thing. Magical. BTW most of Gotye's songs have painful undertones and deeper meanings. Nahi?
DeleteAnd thank youuu, Vinieeee. Love :*
A lovely composition and every bit is true:)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Sir :)
DeleteLoved the simplicity and depth to the post. So many you's and their conflicting wants.. Its something a lot of us can relate to. The picture perfectly goes with it. Liked it :P
ReplyDeleteNice one crystal:)
Thank youuu so much, Aishwarya :)
DeleteSo many you's really, its miserable at times.
excelllent !! excellent !
ReplyDeleteNice attempt at displaying the conflicting emotions within one being. I have always loved the line 'The most painful huma suffering is the simple act of waiting'.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you give words to feelings.
Its a quotation from the book "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini.
DeleteThank you so much. Good to see you again :*
well written crystal
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ashok :)
DeleteThanks :)
ReplyDeleteMasks.. Sometimes I wish we could all burn them!
ReplyDeleteThat would liberate and kill me at the same time.
Deletethe new you is difficult to make I think ..
ReplyDeletelovely post
Bikram's
Especially after you've had a miserable way to the reconstruction.
DeleteSo Conflicting .. So True.. good post.. :)
ReplyDeleteSO deep. :')
ReplyDeletepoignant...
ReplyDeletePoignant...
ReplyDeleteI super envy you. You have such a flair for writing luvv.. Never ever ever give up. I love the way you effortlessly say things.. uffff!!!!!
ReplyDelete